The Dancing DJ Dilemma

“What are you thinking about, Mom?”

We were lined up – Jacob, Kathleen, Kevin and me – on beach chairs under a shady tree on the tiny island of Cayo Blanco, Cuba. If you wanted to paint a picture of the perfect March break holiday – exactly what our busy family was after! – the scene would look like the one we were living.

I was trying to immerse myself in my book (Perfect by Rachel Joyce,) but couldn’t concentrate. Jacob couldn’t concentrate on his book either (The Firm, by John Grisham). I knew what he was thinking about. It was the same dilemma that I was working over in my mind. 

A dilemma is defined as “a situation in which a difficult choice has to be made between two or more alternatives, esp. equally undesirable ones”, but our family’s dilemma this March break in Cuba was between two good options.

A few days earlier, Kevin met a man in town who asked, “Will you give me something, like your shirt?”  Kevin told him no, but promised to deliver something Saturday night at the street party.  Our teenagers, Jacob and Kathleen, didn’t want to leave our resort to go into town on Saturday night. Kevin and I decided that time out of our resort to see real Cuban culture would be an adventure and good for us. After all, one reason for choosing Cuba was to see a new part of the world where no trace of America exists. So we got on the bus.

“The DJ” was waiting for our bus to arrive and was thrilled with the Nike shoes that Kevin handed him. (We came prepared with gently used items and some new supplies, thanks to the tip from our friend Suzanne Heft). He showed us around the main dance area and then took us to the more traditional bar where multi-generations were dancing to a band lead by a man who hand-cranked an old organ. The scene was magical. The DJ asked me to dance, and I had this moment of fear – his clothes were tattered and I could smell that he hadn’t showered recently.  I could feel everyone watching, and I felt stiff and awkward in his arms. But I love to dance and the DJ made me feel comfortable. We laughed and I enjoyed feeling totally immersed in the moment. Needless to say, I was pleased to experience a bit of Cuban culture.

But just before we got on the bus, the DJ asked Kevin if we would join his family for a meal in his home in two days.  Thus began the dilemma.

What was the right thing to do?  Here I was, almost proud that we pushed our kids to go out for an evening. I really wanted to see how people lived, and an evening at a dance was a great beginning.  But was it really an authentic experience? When offered the chance to get even closer and perhaps even develop a relationship, shouldn’t we jump at the chance? Moreover, we have been invited into a home, could we be so rude as to say no?

On the other hand, we came for a relaxing family vacation. Our lives are so busy and we were treasuring our time together, with no internet, no computers and definitely no obligations. I also worried about safety and the quality of food they would serve.  Why should we give a stranger our time?  Especially a stranger who clearly wants us for our “stuff” and wasn’t shy about asking for it?  But as Kevin pointed out, if he were the DJ, and he met a nice family who could give stuff to his family, and he had no other options, wouldn’t he do the same?  Can you blame him?  That one really got us thinking.

We talked about our dilemma all day, and here we are one week later, still talking about it.  I’m not sure what you would have done, but we didn’t go to his home.  Kevin met him once more to give him a bag of stuff, and almost in return, he turned up at the beach one afternoon and made crickets from the grasses for the kids.  Did we go far enough in our cultural experience?  I don’t know.  But I do know that the conversations were valuable and together, we worked through some tough questions of poverty and diversity.

Our family dilemma has made me think about the number of CAIS schools that promote international service trips during the March break. I am always impressed with teenagers who choose to spend their vacations seeing how others live, giving back to the broader community, and getting out of their comfort zone.  I hear so many stories of kids who go overseas and are greatly affected. But I sometimes wonder – since the students travel in groups and must remain safe at all times, can they really encounter authentic experiences?

My guess is that our students who are returning from their travels have benefitted from intense opportunities to confront differences and reflect on what is right, and just and true.  I bet they faced many dilemmas in their international travels, and I am so grateful that our CAIS community values not only the opportunity to experience them, but also the need to think deeply about them.  The result?  I believe our students will become global citizens – and leaders who strive to make our world a better place. 

p.s. Just for the record, we did do a number of other activities outside of our resort! But in case this is sounding too self-congratulatory, we love beach vacations.

Top Ten Values that create the Ideal Working Culture

 

Last week, in preparation for attending the Grid program in Vancouver, I had to describe the characteristics of an ideal work culture.  As I stared at the empty page, I thought about how pleased Hal Hannaford would be with this exercise.  For those who don’t know Hal, he often stresses the importance of faculty culture and developed a popular Leadership Institute module.

I began by writing this:  An ideal culture should be shaped around immutable values.

But then the fun began.  What do I value?  What does our team value?  We have published CAIS values as part of our Strategic Plan, and I love them, but I was focused more on our team’s working values on a daily basis.  I realized that we have a pretty defined culture. I came up with five values pretty easily, and then I made this exercise an agenda item on our staff meeting.  Within minutes, we brainstormed phrases we often use with each other that we believe are representative of our values. Here is a distilled CAIS Team Top Ten List:

1.  Well, not rushed. We say this often to each other and it always inspires us to work harder and get it right. Whether it means searching for another CAIS Top 12 article, or editing the newsletter one more time (ugh!), we use this term to push each other.

2.  We are in the business of asking good questions. We serve independent schools that have independent boards who know their schools best.  So we will never prescribe the “best” way to do anything, but we do challenge schools by asking good questions.  Through our accreditation process, we can contribute to whole school improvement when we ask our schools to answer two sets of questions:  first through the Internal Evaluation, and then through the Visiting Committee on-site questions.

3.  We don’t use adjectives.  I thank Bob Snowden for this one, as he used this phrase during the development of our last strategic plan and it stuck with us.  We strive to have a CAIS writing style in all of our communications, and we agree on this rule.  For us, it symbolizes our desire to be authentic and open to judgment. 

4.  Be a bud.  Only four of us work in the office at Ridley College; the rest of us work from home offices across Canada. But we care about each other and do a lot to support each other professionally and personally.  When I was in Mexico City this week, because Sarah was in Russia and England, she thanked me for being where she would normally be.  The subject of the email was this:  Thanks for being a bud.

5.  That’s sexy.  Yup… I meant to say that.  We use the term when we are brainstorming, and we keep the ideas coming until we land on the best idea. We also use it when we have finally approved the content of a document, and we turn it over to someone for branding… But we also remind ourselves – if you have to tell others you’re sexy, you’re not.  Think about that. 

6.  Big rocks.  We have a lot going on, and so we begin every staff meeting with each person on the team sharing their three biggest projects that the team should know about. Those are the big rocks.  It forces us to stay at the strategic level and not get caught up in too many details.  It also forces us to have the courage to deal with important issues. We use the question – do you know what lives under a big rock?

7.  Idea lamp.  I have this habit of paper clipping pieces of paper with good ideas to my lamp.  So now, whether we schedule time to brainstorm, or we find ourselves excited about an idea, we call it idea lamping.

8.  That’s for the box.  We like to laugh at work.  Similar to the idea lamp, the best jokes end up on little pieces of paper in a box in my drawer.  Sometimes we get out the box and review the funny moments. Here’s one:  Val’s son once stood on a scale at home, looked down at his feet, and said, “Yup. I’m still three years old!”

9.  We serve school leaders.  There is no shortage of good ideas, so we use this phrase as a filter.  If something can be better done by the regional associations, we don’t proceed. If something can be better done by the schools, we move on.  But if we can save time for the leaders of our schools – through research or PD – we will act.  When I worked at LCC, the strategic plan used a similar litmus test:  students come first.

10. We like healthy tension. Our whole team is almost insanely passionate and hard working.  We also think we are right.  So we have developed a culture where candour is not only accepted but expected. 

On goodness

When I saw Tom Hassan at the TABS board meeting in Boston, I asked him if he had updated his three priorities.  Tom is a very smart, nice, down to earth man who is also the Principal of Exeter.  When I first met him, I didn’t think he fit my stereotype of what that role should look like.  Have you been to Exeter?  It is fancy – quite over the top beautiful, actually – and I think I thought that the Head would be fancy too… like he might wear a tux every day…or at least a bow tie.  But Tom doesn’t seem to have an ounce of pomp and circumstance in him, although I’m sure he would look fine in a tux.

For the past year, I have referred to Tom’s document called Immediate Priorities.  In it, he outlines “three fundamental imperatives that will guide us over the next several years:  intellectual ambition, global exploration and goodness.”  Now I read a lot of strategic plan documents – in fact, without bragging too much, I have read every single CAIS strategic plan document plus at least 50 others.  All of them mention similar objectives, often in similar wording.  But I was struck by one of the words in this document:  goodness.  I find it compelling in its simplicity.

About goodness, Tom writes the following:  “The very foundation of what we are and what we do here at Exeter is formed by our collective community values. Even when unspoken, our values serve as a powerful example to the students on our campus today and to those we hope to attract in the future. Our students live in an often uncivil world and will inherit serious moral responsibilities. Exeter must be an early touchstone that reminds them throughout their lives to value goodness just as much as knowledge.”

I love the phrase:  “even when unspoken”.  My daughter often mocks me for repeating phrases that I like, but I do like to think about certain words and the images associated with them.  When I think about “even when unspoken” I think about all of those programs that promote a “Characteristic of the Month” and how they stand up next to the power of “even when unspoken.”  I think of the staff members that work at the school and the high standards that they must meet to live up to those “even when unspoken” values.

So I teased Tom when I saw him: “I have been talking about your goodness document for a year now and could use some new material.”

He came to life.  He said something like this (with apologies to Tom, who is much smarter than the comments I will capture here):  “I am more compelled than ever to focus on goodness, and we are intentional about ensuring it in three ways:  our faculty and our hiring practices; the twice a week speakers we bring to assemblies and the discussions that follow; and our Harkness teaching style, where we model expressing different viewpoints and listening to each other”.

I felt inspired.  At this time of year, I have to work hard to not get caught up in shopping and endless to-do lists.  I crave authenticity and reminders of what it means to be human.  So as I sat down this morning to capture my hope for our CAIS schools during this season, I found myself thinking of my conversation with Tom and his emphasis on goodness.  He noted that when he became Principal, he often reflected on the words of the founder of the school.  (I looked it up, to be sure.)

The founder of Phillips Exeter Academy defined its mission more than two centuries ago. “Above all,” John Phillips stated, “it is expected that the attention of instructors to the disposition of the minds and morals of the youth under their charge will exceed every other care; well considering that though goodness without knowledge is weak and feeble, yet knowledge without goodness is dangerous, and that both united form the noblest character, and lay the surest foundation of usefulness to mankind.”

During this holiday season, I want to slow down and refocus – not on what is new and next, but on what is known for sure.  I want to come back to simple ideas that are compelling and worth repeating.  I hope you too find time to slow down and refocus.  And I hope we get the chance to talk about goodness together in the new year.

Happy holidays.

International Agents Visit CAIS Boarding Schools

Sometimes I feel caught – I want to brag about our amazing schools, but I also want to be humble.  When I observe passionate students and educators and outstanding programs in action at CAIS schools, I want to sing it from the rooftop.  But I also know that I have to be careful.  First of all, our schools value humility – they teach it and they live it, which makes marketing a real challenge – how do you tell your story of excellence without bragging?  Second, our schools are so passionately committed to improvement and learning, that it is out of character to focus on what they do well – it is just not in their DNA! – never mind tell others about it.  And third, I have that added challenge of needing to speak about the excellence in ALL 93 schools, not just one.

So while the highlight of my job is working with a community of schools that share a passion for always learning and getting better and going above and beyond… I have to tread carefully with the compliments.

But when I got this letter today, I had to share it.  Certainly if someone else praises our schools, I can promote that, right?

Below is a letter from Alyson Robertson, who just led a group of International Agents on a tour of our CAIS Boarding Schools… I had to share it….

Hi Anne-Marie,

With the FAM Tour now more than half way through I wanted to write and send you an update.

Thus far the trip has been fantastic. Last Wednesday, 9 agents from five different countries (Nigeria, Kazakhstan, Russia, Thailand and Vietnam) arrived here in Toronto to embark on a two week tour to see 17 different boarding schools from coast to coast.

I was so thrilled to finally meet this group of agents in person, this group that the FAM Tour Advisory Committee and I had carefully selected from a huge pool of applicants. They are a truly amazing group. They are an extremely energetic, happy and professional bunch, so keen to promote Canadian boarding school programs. For some of them, it is their first trip to Canada. And for others, although they have been to Canada before, they have only ever promoted UK boarding schools. No longer!  Canada is the new UK!  They were all very excited to be here and invited to participate in the tour, and to date have been totally ‘wow’ed’ by our schools.

There is nothing better than seeing jaws drop as you turn in through the gates of one of our CAIS school campuses. Seeing the spectacular buildings, bright green fields, happy faces of welcoming student ambassadors greeting us out front of the schools (even the school mascots were waiting outside for us as we pulled in to one school!)…all of it left many on the tour awe struck and anxious to begin promoting our schools to their client base at home. I know that some of the agents have already been in touch with schools on the tour about prospective students, so already fruitful relationships are being established and the tour hasn’t even yet finished!

I took part in the first nine school visits and was extremely impressed with the half days spent at each school. Schools rolled out the red carpets for our international guests, and I was so proud to be part of CAIS. We ate delicious meals, some in the dining hall, some in the libraries, some in the residences of the school’s headmaster – Canadian themed meals, peameal bacon for breakfast, local apple muffins and delicious butter tarts, Prince Edward County wines, baked beans, tortiere, even steak… the food was outstanding. And the students on each campus really helped our CAIS schools stand out – students all dressed in their uniforms with huge smiles on their faces, anxious to share their love of their school with our guests. They toured them around classrooms, residences, sports facilities all the while impressing the agents with how polished and mature each of them seemed.   The common theme amongst each of the schools was that they were proud to offer a ‘family feel’ – this was reiterated by the students and most certainly experienced by each of the agents.

Each school too added something unique to their visit – we were able to sit in and participate at a class, we saw chapel services, bells being rung, bagpipes being played, agents got to experience the thrill of a high ropes course, we went on a boat ride, we ate roasted marshmallows, we cheered, we walked and we were IMPRESSED.

Though 17 schools seems like a large number of visits and a lot of information to retain, the agents commented on a number of occasions how wonderful the tour was. They enjoyed only seeing two schools per day as each one left a strong impression and they were able to retain all of the information learned. They were given free time in the evenings and a free day each weekend. Many of the agents participate in a number of other FAM Tours each year and noted that while some of the tours they have done are like “the H&M of FAM Tours,” ours was definitely the ‘Gucci’ of a FAM tours! I was thrilled to hear this.

The tour continues on as I write, with the group having since carried on to Ottawa and now to Saint John since I left them in Belleville on Tuesday.  Still to come are visits to Manitoba, Saskatchewan and BC.

I look forward to hearing details of the last week of the tour but thought you would enjoy hearing how well the first week had gone. I am so excited for the year ahead and to hear about relationships that are developed with this incredible group of agents.

 

What can schools learn from summer camps?

Do you ever feel like you’re having a conversation with someone that is really important?  The night after Jacob’s math exam, I found him upset in his room.  He figured he barely passed the exam, and he worried that he might even have failed it.  He blurted out, “I study hard and I still don’t do well.”  And this breaks my heart.  He has always struggled with math and when he was tested, we learned to better understand how his brain is challenged by math.  So in a way, he is right – more studying won’t necessarily help as he just doesn’t get the abstract concepts.  He knows this, and I think he feels that we support him, but it is still frustrating. Can you blame him?

So after a while of trying to console him, I asked him this question, “Why are you letting this one mark get you down?  You are much more than a math mark!” 

I explained that at some point someone decided that math is what children should do everyday and they should be graded on it.  But we talked about what matters most and how that doesn’t necessarily end up on a report card.  For example, I care more about how he deals with his failure than I do about his grade, but resilience is not measured on a report.  We eventually came up with a whole list of things that mattered more than some school subjects.

Our conversation turned to the seemingly random nature of assessment.  What does a 54% mean and what would it take to get to 64%?  Why is 54% a pass, when we all know that you shouldn’t start a new grade with only half of the previous grade’s understanding?  Does any number motivate a child to learn?  If numbers cannot capture what is really important, why do we use them with children?  (I’m not sure I see the value of subject marks for teenagers either, but the point that our high school system remains stunted by assessment for university admissions and not learning is the subject of a future blog.) 

Back to Jacob.   A real turning point was our realization that kids drown when they can’t swim, but our school system doesn’t even require swimming lessons.  With the realization that no one dies from failing math, I finally saw him smile.  I had reached his soul, and he heard me.

You may ask why I am reflecting on assessment on one of the hottest days of the summer?  Today I received two cards in the mail from Onondaga Camp, and I was reminded, yet again, that schools can learn from summer camps. 

Two lessons:

1.  Schools should reassess assessment.

Jacob’s counselor wrote that he got a “silver in wake-boarding”.  Not a 53, 62 or a 79%, but a silver.  When I asked about it, he understood how he got that silver and, more importantly, what he needs to do to get a gold.  He told me that he is determined to get that next level next year.  Now my point is not that wake-boarding should be offered in schools, (although I think that would help many of our efforts to engage boys); nor am I suggesting that a “bronze in math” is more effective than a number in motivating kids to learn (although pre-identifying expectations might help).  But I do think there are questions worth asking as we strive to prepare kids for success.

2. Schools should reassess how we communicate assessment.

The cards from Onondaga Camp were hand-written. They described some of the kids’ activities and accomplishments, and they described their strengths. Aren’t we all hungry to hear more details about our kids? Especially when they describe what matters most to us?

I still don’t know what grade Jacob got in math, and truth be told, I might not ever find out.  But I am going to keep the card from camp…even though I already have it memorized.