My Remarks at Staff Appreciation Day, February 2024

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I started reading David Brooks’ recent book, called How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen –  

“Being open-hearted is a prerequisite for being a full, kind, and wise human being.  But it is not enough.  People need social skills. We talk about the importance of “relationships,” “community,” “friendship,” “social connection,” but these words are too abstract.  The real act of, say, building a friendship or creating a community involves performing a series of small, concrete social actions well:  disagreeing without poisoning the relationship; revealing vulnerability at the appropriate pace; being a good listener; knowing how to end a conversation gracefully; knowing how to ask for and offer forgiveness; knowing how to let someone down without breaking their heart; knowing how to sit with someone who is suffering; knowing how to host a gathering where everyone feels embraced; knowing how to see things from another’s point of view.” (Brooks, pps. 7-8)

As I read through this list, I experienced so many “yes!” moments….

But then, I almost quit the book, or maybe, I need to write a letter to David Brooks… because he goes on to write: “These are some of the most important skills a human being can possess, and yet we don’t teach them in school.”

David Brooks needs to come to Lakefield.

Our 220+ staff – our 165 staff members plus our Aramark team members – have a gift for creating community, and this has been occurring at Lakefield, for years.

Every single day I see our staff doing the hard work of practicing  those small, concrete social actions well, and with each other; AND I see you doing the hard work of practicing those same social actions with our students, our teenagers. I see that you live a values-driven life, and by your words and actions, you teach and inspire our students to lead a values-driven life.   

We all know it is not easy to use and teach these skills day in and day out, and I am so grateful for every person in our school, for your understanding of what it takes to build trust and to care, deeply, for others. 

Lakefield staff understand the time it takes to treat people with consideration even, sometimes, in those moments when they may not seemingly deserve it. Our staff seem to rise to those challenging moments, and offer even more to students in those times. Our staff understand what it takes to understand people and to support and challenge them as they learn to navigate learning, life, social media, who they are, and how to close the gap between who they are and who they want to be…the time it takes to learn to love themselves, and to love one another. 

What happens here, at Lakefield, can be complicated and sometimes challenging, and yet so deeply meaningful because our staff do not shy away from the tough work of seeing others and making them feel seen. 

I spend a lot of time thinking about our future, and we all know that Artificial Intelligence is going to do many things for us in the future, and possibly replace humans at many tasks.  The one thing it will never be able to do is to create person-to-person connections. David Brooks also wrote that: “If you want to thrive in the age of AI, you better become exceptionally good at connecting with others.”

Today is a celebration of being exceptionally good at connecting with others, and I cannot thank you enough for doing this hard, meaningful work together.  

And even more than that, at Lakefield, we somehow manage to do this meaningful work of connecting with fun, laughter, music, and joy.

Thank you.

With thanks to Kim Blackwell and our awesome parents for making Staff Appreciation Day fun for us!

A Few Hopes for Today’s Teens

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Yesterday in chapel, which happened to take place in the gym, with Syd Birrell playing the keyboard and Geoff Bemrose leading us with his guitar, I started the year with the following message:  (this is a shorter version) 

When I ask you, students and staff, what you love most about our school, the answer includes this one word at some point or another – community.

This morning I am going to focus on two aspects of community that require some work. The first is friendships. I personally work hard at my friendships, always have. One of my favourite sayings is that “You cannot make old friends”, and my hope is that some of you will one day come to realize that you have become old friends.

I love good research, and one of the most fascinating research projects comes from Harvard’s research about how people make a good life.  Dr Robert Waldinger, the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development and the author of a new book called The Good Life, has been studying the same people through eight decades, consulting with their parents and children.  This is the longest study of what keeps people happy and healthy through life.  Spoiler alert – this research study proves that happiness does not come from fame or money or achievement. Here is the most important finding: good relationships keep us happy and healthy. That’s it.

So in the spirit of asking good questions, here it is – if people could change one thing in their lives to be happier, what does the data say they should choose to do?  People should invest in their relationships with other people.  And this applies to a wide breadth of interactions in our daily lives, from close friends, partners, and teachers, to anyone including staff we interact with in the halls, the dining hall or even the person we run into delivering packages to the front office. We get little hits of wellbeing in all these different kinds of relationships.  

When we have stress which may impact our physical and mental health, we need a deeper connection, like a good friend who can listen to our rant – research shows that that friendship can help alleviate the pressure. I truly believe we only need one friend, with whom we feel comfortable and connected, and we can feel the benefits from that connection.

This morning I remind you of the need to put effort into your friendships. The easiest strategy is to replace screen time with people time.  Or, one of my best friends, Maureen who lives in Halifax, texted me on the weekend with another idea.  She read a wellness article in the New York Times called the 7-Day Happiness Challenge and Day Two is about an eight minute phone call. So Sunday night, as Kevin and I drove home from Kawartha Nordic where we had an awesome afternoon ski, we got on the phone with Maureen, and although we could talk for hours, we agreed to eight minutes. When we hung up, I was so happy to have had this connection. Apparently, a study of 240 adults in 2021 found that when participants received brief phone calls a few times a week, their levels of depression, loneliness and anxiety were rapidly reduced compared with people who didn’t receive a call.  So my first message is to connect with your friends – make a call.

Second, I want to address one of the nuances of learning and living in community. 

When I was a kid, my brothers and I fought. One time, after he had been bugging me and bugging me, I leaned over and kicked him in the gut. It is actually the only time I have done something like that, so it sticks out for me.  (And apparently it stood out for him as well, as he told that story at my wedding as a warning to Kevin that ‘She’s nice but she can kick’). Anyway, I see that kick in a similar way to today’s cancel culture.  When we call-out behaviour, we react harshly; we cancel others; we don’t invite them into solving problems.  Sometimes it’s because the issues are small, or subtle, or sneaky, or trying to be funny, or maybe unintentional…but the impact, not the intention, is what is important.  

Harvard’s centre for Diversity, Inclusion and Belonging has a Guide to calling-in and calling-out behaviour.  As we foster spaces of belonging, we must recognize, name, and address when individuals or groups with marginalized identities are experiencing harm, such as bias or discrimination. The concepts of “calling-out” or “calling-in” have become helpful ways of thinking about how to bring attention to this type of harm. 

To be clear – I expect you to deal differently with serious instances of disrespect, in which case you should turn to adults for support.  I know you know we have a process in our School Life Guide for dealing with respect, consent, bullying and harrassment. I am talking now about the micro-aggressions.  Knowing the difference between these concepts can help us reflect, and then act, in ways we feel will best promote constructive change.

So as we start 2023, and as we come near to the end of a global pandemic and with rising extremism, I have a few hopes for you.

We have made a commitment as a school to be global – this year we have 44 countries represented. And we have made a commitment to celebrate diversity and be inclusive, in our houses, classes, values, and in our day-to-day lives. And it turns out that being inclusive also requires daily practice.  My hope is that we actively understand instances of microaggressions, and the difference between intent and impact, and the difference between calling-out behaviour and calling-in conversations.

My hope this year is that you reflect on when it’s important and effective to call someone in, and when we do, we acknowledge we all make mistakes. We also help someone discover why their behavior, even if it was unintentional, is harmful, and how to change it. And we do call-in with compassion and patience. 

I saw a quotation that said this – we tend to judge others by their behaviour, and ourselves by our intentions.  My hope is that we presume good intentions.

In an increasingly diverse world, I hope we always focus on how we will negotiate our relationships.  Of course I am proud of Lakefield College School.  Here, you are learning to be with others in your houses and your advisor groups; you are surrounded by amazing adults on campus who invest time in navigating social interactions.  Here, you are learning to listen in Harkness discussions, and learning to disagree, respectfully. Here, you are also learning one of the hardest lessons – be it in business, in leadership, and in life – and that is to seek points of agreement.

My hope is that we are a community who practices “calling-in” with kindness and curiosity, so we can maintain an emotionally safe community.  The feeling of inclusion and belonging of everyone is important at The Grove.  

So please, may we invest in our community by 

1. Making a call and 2. Calling-in.  

And remember – the good life is built with good relationships.

What is Lakefield College School really like?

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After two long years of safety protocols and zoom meetings, I took advantage of a warm Friday afternoon and wandered out of my office. Our Leadership Team agreed that this would be a year of consolidation and connectivity, and we all made a promise to get off of our laptops and be more present. 

So here is what happens at Lakefield College School on a Friday evening. I wasn’t sure if I would watch some pick up soccer or basketball, or if I would head down to the waterfront to catch a game of volleyball or a rambunctious game of spike ball, or if I would just see who is hanging out in the lake or on the dock.  There are usually multiple speakers around campus with different kinds of music playing here and there.  Seeing – and hearing! – our teens outside enjoying time together before dinner always makes me smile.

But last Friday, I experienced a first – Addy Ross called me over to where her family was gathered on Muskoka chairs by the soccer field. If you ever need a pick-me-up, get to know Addy Ross.  At just three years old, she has her finger on the pulse of our campus, notices everything, and calls out everyone by name.   Seeing her screaming my name while waving her arms for me to come over filled me with joy.  She made my whole being smile.  Turns out, Addy was particularly excited because her Dad, Adam Ross, our Athletics Director, bought Moose Tracks ice cream – plus sugar cones! – to celebrate the first week of school and she invited me to join them.

As I sat eating ice cream with the Ross family children playing all around us, Heather Ross, one of our Outdoor Education Teachers, commented on the students on the soccer field. These were mostly our new students who had arrived the day before, and yet she was calling them out by name, and I was totally impressed.  How, after only one day, did she already know our students’ names?  Her eyes lit up as she explained her secret – the best way to learn new student names was to be in charge of the swim test.  She had spent the day at the lake and met every one of them as they were tested.  So, over the course of the hour, as we sat watching the sun set and the little ones getting out their evening energy, Heather and Adam pointed out various students playing soccer, noting where they were from, which House they were in, and who had siblings that I might know.  Their passion for knowing our students was genuine and quite inspirational.

Then Adam stood up, scooped Addy under his arm, and announced that he had to run to town for a few minutes so he could go to a meeting at the Curling Club in Lakefield.  He was hoping they would welcome our students to play. Remember – this is Friday night, and he was squeezing in time to create this opportunity for our students.  Again, I was moved by his generous spirit, his focus on partnerships with our local community and his initiative to ensure our students would have more options to be active this winter.

So that’s a glimpse into life at Lakefield College School. Families live on campus. Teens are outdoors in the evenings, playing with each other with no phones in sight.  Teachers go above and beyond to know students and create opportunities so they can experience more.  And a 53 year old Head of School gets to hang out with a three year old girl, marvel in her joyful approach to life, and see her ability to create a feeling of belonging.

Hello World

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I have not done a lot of blog writing lately.  Over the March break, I was pretty intentional about not doing much of anything, but tonight, before we get back to classes this week, I find myself dwelling on a quotation from Richard Wagamese:  “Choose moments, then—and let the days take care of themselves”.  

There have been so many moments this winter when I realized something special was going on.  Off the top of my head, I think about Friday Night Lights, Ted Pope Days, an OFSAA track meet, kRod, sports games, a Dance Showcase, Winter Concert, Winter Carnival, and Lunar New Year.  At each of these events – and I bet there are more! – there was a point when I felt this overwhelming sense that the energy of others was lifting my soul.  Frankly, I am in awe of the staff and students at our school.  Their relentless commitment to safety protocols and creative logistics is matched only by their passion to make the student experience one that includes joy and connection. When I think back on those moments, I am inspired and full of gratitude. 

Looking ahead, I am excited for some of the potential future moments this term:

– Gathering in our Chapel, Theatre and Dining Hall. I want to feel the energy of the crowd, squished together, standing room only. And then we will sing, and the building will shake with Sweet Caroline.

– Participating in Gladiator Day and Regatta Day. These are Grove traditions that we have not had for two years, and we need to teach our students what it means to be at LCS!  They need to feel this energy.

– Jumping out of my seat at the end of Anything Goes, our spring musical. By golly, these kids deserve it.

– Cheering for our sports teams. I bet some students will lose their voices, and frankly, I hope I lose mine too.

– Designing our Northcote property and farm program. I can’t wait to brainstorm with you what it means to be a leading sustainable school.

– Launching our Access Initiative, and finding amazing students who will be transformed by our school experience.

– Fundraising – yes fundraising! – for our new facilities and programs. I love meeting with parents and alumni about our vision, mission, and values.

– Supporting our students in developing our new All-Gender Housing Model, the second such initiative in Canada.

– Welcoming our alumni for Home to the Grove weekend. After two years of not allowing visitors on campus, I am convinced this will be our largest gathering, ever!

– Speaking under the white tent at our graduation ceremony.  We will celebrate this year’s grade 12s and also bring back grads from the past two years.  I hope to hug every single one of them!

Of all the moments, what I get most excited about, and I mean I could literally cry tears of joy, is the moment that I hope will come at some point between now and June, when we will finally get to see the full faces of our students and staff. I have seen their eyes, and believe me, I can see smiles behind those masks, but the day that I can walk around the school and see full faces motivates me to get back to another round of debates about safety.

The first time I see those full faces, those full smiling faces, I promise I will pause and hold on to that moment.  We have been through two years of a pandemic, and we deserve more moments of joy…of open-mouth, big tooth and gums, ear to ear, squinty eyes, smiling faces.  Years from now, I bet we will still be talking about what we felt in that moment. 

More relevant than ever

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In a moment of social media weakness, I clicked on an article called “25 Brands That Are Dying Out” and I started to worry.  As I scrolled through brands of my childhood, like Jello, Campbell’s Soup, and Chef Boyardee, and then those of my young adult life like Gap, Crocs and Kodak, I felt a range of emotions.  I suppose none of the struggling brands really surprised me and it is probably a good thing that society has become more health and environmentally conscious.  And yet, I found myself wondering about the simple fact that people lose interest in things and consumer trends change.  Naturally, my mind wandered to the organization where I work and live  – could my school ever become a story of the past?

I wish the answer was a simple no.  The fact is, we all need to continually ask ourselves this question and never rest on our laurels.  The strongest schools are the ones that work hard to stay relevant, holding on to the best of the past while striving to meet the changing needs of families.  

For over 140 years, parents have been choosing to send their children to Lakefield College School, and eight years ago, I also chose this school for my son (who is now in his final year at McGill) and daughter (who is in her third year at IE in Madrid).  I chose Lakefield because of the strength of its programs – its mission is to “challenge and enable students to reach their individual potential in mind, body and spirit” and I wanted that kind of well-rounded, enriching environment for my kids.  There are a lot of opportunities, including a wide-range of courses and an unbelievable list of co-curricular programs.  I also knew from my research and work as the Executive Director of CAIS for over 11 years, that the teachers were world-class with a genuine passion for learning through relationships.  Now that I am Head of School here, I believe that our school is more relevant than ever for another important reason:  we have the courage and humility to acknowledge and address areas to improve.  Let me point out three areas in particular: 

We are committed to being even more affordable

Lakefield College School strives to be accessible to a wide variety of families. We are grateful that our alumni and parents continue to choose to donate back to our school so that approximately one third of our student body receives financial support annually.  I believe that parents should ask about the size of a school’s endowment, as this is a real indicator of the values as well as the strength and permanence of a school.  Find out more about how to afford our school here.

We are working hard to be even more inclusive

With 270 teenagers living in our 12 houses on campus, and another 130 teens joining us each day, we prioritize safety.  We invest in staff development, a high student to staff ratio, and small advisor groups.  What I hear from our families is that our students are known and supported.  And we have made a commitment to be even more inclusive.  As one example, we acknowledged in our strategic planning process that we have a facilities gap, so we are upgrading our residences to be more inclusive.  When our two new houses open this fall, we will have one of Canada’s first inclusive housing models, including stalled washrooms.

We are building on our strength to become an environmental leader

LCS has always been an outdoors school, now situated on 300+ acres, with two campuses.  100% of our students are required to take a course in outdoor education, ensuring that they experience both the beauty and challenge of nature. For over a century, our students have been learning skills such as how to paddle a canoe, build a campfire in the rain, and collaborate on an Algonquin expedition. Last spring, we introduced a farm program at our Northcote Campus, and students are learning how to grow food that is produced for our campus and local charitable partners: 40-45% is intentionally grown to be donated to Nourish Project, Kawartha Food Share, and the Lakefield Community Food Bank. We are excited to see how we can continue to inspire teens to be leaders with a deep connection with and responsibility to the environment and their communities. Obviously, I love this school.  I see engaged teenagers; I see our staff striving 24/7 to make the student experience the best it can be.  Our community gives me a deep sense of gratitude, and we share a passion to get even better.  One of my alumni mentors recently told me that if you aren’t at least slightly paranoid, you should ask more questions.  I agree!  In my monthly parent meetings, we ask for feedback.  It’s also my practice to engage every student at least twice per year in two questions:  what is working well and what can we do to improve?  The fact is, we are all passionate about improvement around here (See articles from this week alone!  on learning, on running, and on community.)  As a community we strive to ask good questions, be kind, and try our best.  For these reasons, I agree with Rory Gilfillan whose words inspired this video:  the world needs Lakefield now, more than ever.

The Important Question

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Jeff Bezos is frequently asked the question: “What’s going to change in the next 10 years?” and almost never gets the question: “What’s not going to change?” He says it’s impossible to imagine a future 10 years from now where a customer comes up and says, “Jeff, I love Amazon; I just wish the prices were a little higher” or, “I just wish you’d deliver a little slower.”  Impossible.

Let’s consider this question in terms of schools.  There is a lot of talk – always! – about the future of education and the new skills that students will need and the experiences that will support their development.  Curriculum is also ever-evolving, as it should, and we are reviewing the books we read and the content we teach.  At Lakefield, for example, our Summer Reading Program included new and diverse authors.  Additionally, we offered a Farm to Table Course for the first time, and our students were deeply engaged in working at our garden and exploring the complex issues of food and sustainability.  All schools are evolving and teachers continually impress me with their commitment to updating their classes.  So I also love this question:  What’s not going to change?

I believe the answer is simple.  For me, it is impossible to imagine a future 10 years from now where teenagers say, “I love school; I just wish I knew my teacher in a Zoom class instead of in person,” or, “I just wish there was less time laughing with my friends.”

As we return to in-person learning this week, I hope that we reconfirm our focus on relationships.  We all must prioritize our enhanced safety protocols.  Full stop.  But my hope is that we won’t get too anxious about covering curriculum, at least in the beginning.  I share the worry of others that there may be a gap in learning from the past 18 months, but I believe that the strategy with the potential to do the most good is to help our students with social interactions.  We have been separated, and there is some anxiety around coming together again, and we must take it one step at a time. But no matter what else happens, the bonds that students form with their teachers and with each other have never been more important, and our opening plans must include time and intentional strategies for connecting.

When our Leadership Team met this summer, we sat outside, at a round table, in the shade, and we opened our meeting with a question:  What lessons have we learned in the pandemic?  For me, I enjoyed the chance to listen to my colleagues, who always impress me with their candor and thoughtfulness, and I enjoyed the chance to share my thoughts, too.  I was reminded of how good it feels to be really heard.  I realized afterwards, there was an aspect of escapism – for a few minutes, this global event felt like a thing of the past.  And of course, there was laughter.  There were more than a few times that afternoon when I had that feeling of connection.

So, as I think about going back to school in person, I hope we can prioritize a few important questions.  What is the question that will compel students to engage in meaningful conversations?  Can we find a place to talk outdoors? Can we judge our success by time spent listening to stories and moments of spontaneous laughter? 

E.M. Forster’s books explore human connections, and he is famous for two words found in Howard’s End epigraph: Only connect.

Schools have this unique opportunity to prioritize relationships in the coming days and weeks.  And while I believe that connecting is more important than ever in schools, I also believe that this will never change.

How Should Leaders Spend Time In a Pandemic?

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A wise mentor once told me that the position of Head of School means that you experience the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows. In the past few months, Heads of Schools have experienced more than a normal share of the lowest of the lows, without many of the highs.

With all of the safety requirements in place, and with so much happening on Zoom, we are missing those soulful, sometimes magical experiences that come when the entire school gathers together as one community, when we see student talent in action, and when we feed off the energy of the crowd. I admit to finding it tough to find opportunities to genuinely connect with our community this year, and I cannot wait to be able to go back into Houses, eat in the Dining Hall, be with everyone together in our chapel and theatre, and experience some of the amazing full-school traditions that are unique to all schools, and especially to The Grove.

Now, I am fortunate that I have been finding loads of highs around here. Our staff have soldiered through the changing protocols and have risen to every challenge, and then risen again! Their passion for prioritizing student needs has been nothing short of inspirational, every single day. Our health team has gone above and beyond ensuring the ongoing safety of our community, day and night. Our Leadership Team has worked non-stop, managing situations with compassion and diligence; they are not only proactively planning so that we can experience “normal” as often as possible now, they are also strategizing so Lakefield continues to thrive in the future.

And our students are impressing me with their resilience. This past year has been really hard for students – young and old, here and everywhere. We all need to acknowledge this challenge and plan for the long-term impact on the wellbeing of our young people.

Here at Lakefield, I am so grateful and proud that our student leaders have managed to prioritize joy for our community, and they have astounded me with their passion, dedication, and creativity.

Let me share one of my highest of highs in the past week.

Last Friday evening, I finished a presentation to students around 6:15 pm, and I was hungry! Since no one eats in the Dining Hall this year except boarding students with their residential staff, I was planning to go home, cook dinner, and watch the evening event – Air Bands! – on Zoom.

Air Bands is usually one of my favourite nights, and I bet most people here would say the same! Every single student on campus participates in a House dance. They are highly competitive and rehearse for weeks. Because musical theatre is one of our signature programs, we happen to have a lot of excellent dancers who pour their energy into the non-dancers to create a routine. There are themes, competitions, and staff judges who get into character and make the feedback sessions entertaining. The night is always a big deal. In non-pandemic conditions, we would all pile into the theatre; the lights, sound and choreography are professionally done; and the audience goes wild – totally crazy! – with cheering and applause.

So last Friday evening, the thought of going home to watch this event on Zoom was depressing.

Then I ran into one of our Grade 12 student leaders, and she asked if I was going to be in the theatre at 7pm. I said no, because of our strict protocols, limiting people in indoor spaces.

Her response caught me off guard: “Come to the theatre! We won’t have 50 people in there! Besides, it’s your school… can’t you do whatever you want?” I was so moved by her enthusiasm that I inquired about the detailed logistics.

Kudos to our students for pulling off an amazing set of safety requirements – students traveled in small House groups, on a tight schedule, entering the theatre one way with loads of hand sanitizer, and exiting another way, with a second round of sanitizer. Masks were worn and everyone was respectful of the rules. It is a big deal to participate in a school-wide event during a pandemic – we keep reminding ourselves: nothing is easy – and everyone knew we had to be extra careful in order to keep our community safe.

So last Friday evening, after my husband made and delivered dinner to me, I sat alone with my mask on, as one of a handful scattered all over the theatre, and watched Air Bands.

Lucky me. Our students danced their hearts out. They didn’t even seem to notice that they were performing for a mostly empty theatre. And then it happened. I found myself so wrapped up in the moment, that I began hooting and hollering as if I was a teenager in a packed theatre, with the lights down and hundreds of us clapping and shouting with enthusiasm. I also noticed that others were doing the same – from around the theatre, lone voices would let out a loud: Woohoo! And then others would chime, including me, with all my might.

A wise mentor also once told me that the leader’s job is to be the biggest cheerleader of the organization, and I previously understood that to be a metaphor. But believe me when I say that last Friday night, I found myself trying to be the biggest cheerleader on campus, literally. And without a doubt, thanks to our students, I experienced one of the highest of the highs in my career.

The Burnout Blog

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I should have seen it coming when I found myself listening to yet another podcast on burnout. First it was Brene Brown, then it was Dan Harris, and there were articles and webinars through the fall as well.  I told myself I was interested in supporting my staff and students, and I was. We are a community that prioritizes wellness, and last spring, we added a Task Force to ensure we are doing all we can for our staff and students.  And we have more to come. 

My favourite so far is Wellness Wednesdays.  For me, walking my dogs is a great way to relax, get outside and get energized. Not a walk goes by without my laughing at the two of them, and I have a route that takes me by our barn and under a tree lined path. At the start of the year, when Adam Ross, our Athletic Director and member of our Health and Wellbeing Task Force asked for volunteers, I offered the idea of dog walking.  I felt like an insecure teen myself, wondering if anyone else would like the idea.  Turns out, it was the most popular session.  On the first Wednesday, I watched as students gathered outside my office window (We call it the Grove around here).  I saw my dogs were already among them, and some bright students already found other campus dogs to walk.  The scene made me laugh – Wellness Wednesday was already working for me and I hadn’t even stepped outside! And then we were off… at maximum capacity, we were 38 students and 14 dogs traipsing past other groups (fitness, canoeing, beach volleyball, and mountain biking) and through our woods.  The day it rained felt just as exhilarating, and every walk allowed me to just chat with students with whom I would not otherwise have a chance to connect.  The pandemic makes it challenging to have spontaneous conversations.

But what I realized last weekend, was that that wasn’t enough.  As a boarding school Head, like everyone in education, I’ve been working long days with very few days off since the spring.  I told Vicky Boomgaardt, our Assistant Head, that I was looking forward to taking a couple days off, and she said, “You know, Saturday and Sunday don’t actually count as taking a couple days off; it’s called the weekend.”

So, I took a few days away from the school.  I have been thinking about what made it so restorative – was it being off of our campus? Catching up on sleep? Living without a schedule? I think it was all of those things, but I also think it was living other aspects of my life.  My son joined us and it felt good to make him a pot of soup and eat the cookies he baked; my aunt had surgery and it felt good to bring her a container of home-made chili; I zoom called with friends and wondered why we don’t do it more often; Kevin and I hiked our favourite trail in the Gatineaus, walked to a new outdoor coffee shop, and binge-watched The Queen’s Gambit.  I also read an entire book. Usually this is not a significant accomplishment, but since the pandemic started, I haven’t been able to really get lost in a book.  I realized that once I had slept and avoided my phone (with the constant election and pandemic updates), I could relax and enjoy one of my favourite past-times again.

Lessons learned?  I need to take more than two days in a row off (Thank goodness for the perfectly timed November break!), and not only did I need to escape my day-to-day routine, I needed to intentionally tune-out of the world of incessant news and do things I love. 

And as a leader, I have an additional lesson learned.  It is not easy to admit to needing a break, and as it is the role of the leader to be strong and positive so as to inspire the community, I learned that I needed to fight the urge to appear to be strong, when what I really needed was a break.  If I am serious about supporting wellness initiatives, I also need to look at my own lifestyle and be open about my own need to hit pause and recharge.  If tone is set at the top, so too is wellness.  My hope is that my admission here is not perceived as weakness.

My big hope is that anyone who reads this will feel that needing a break is normal, now more than ever.

Wellbeing Wednesday at Lakefield College School, with Anne-Marie Kee, Head of School
Wellbeing Wednesday at Lakefield College School
Wellbeing Wednesdays at Lakefield College School

A Commitment to Prioritizing Anti-racism in Our Community

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Earlier this week, I updated the school community with a message on Lakefield’s response to the call for anti-racist action by the Black Lives Matter movement.

In that message, I said, “I believe that the most important thing we should do at this time is to educate ourselves so we can seek to better understand what we can do in support of the Black Lives Matter movement and work towards reducing all forms of racism, globally” and I made “a commitment to prioritizing anti-racism in our community.”

As a follow-up to this message, faculty advisors met on Tuesday with our students to provide a space to talk through their thoughts, questions, and emotions surrounding recent global events and to discuss what the school could be doing better to confront racism and advance equity at LCS. In these small groups, students provided thoughtful input that will shape our work on anti-racism in the months and years to come. They asked to learn more – to incorporate racial injustice more deeply into course curricula, to deepen their understanding of the roots of racist issues, to develop media literacy, and to create more awareness about the challenges that exist within our own community.

And they asked to be active. They want to see student-led action on anti-racism, and they want more spaces, places, and platforms for conversations–places where they can share their own stories, hear others, and have difficult and at times uncomfortable conversations. Next week’s all-school gathering will be dedicated to reflection and activism.

To address the students’ suggestions and to begin the work of confronting racism and advancing equity more generally, I have created a task force on Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion that will begin work shortly. The task force will include representation from current staff and students and members of our external community and seek engagement more broadly as their work unfolds.

As an educational institution whose mission is to challenge and enable students to achieve their individual potential, we recognize systemic racism and other forms of inequity as a significant roadblock to the realization of potential. Confronting this roadblock in our classrooms and in our communities will be a key focus moving forward.

What can we do now? One Canadian school’s response to Black Lives Matter

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I feel it is my responsibility as a community leader to address the situation south of the border, around the world, and even in our own community, and confirm our school’s stance.

We are a school that is over 140 years old and made up of people from over 40 countries, all of whom aspire to be global citizens who care about all issues of injustice.

What does a 51-year old white woman, who grew up in a middle-class family, in a predominantly white community, now living in a beautiful area, in a small, safe community in rural Ontario have to contribute to today’s global conversation on systemic racism?

At Lakefield, one of our seven values is our Healthy, Caring Community — The belief in the dignity and worth of all individuals. We embrace diversity; we encourage empathy and acceptance.

In our School Life Guide, we have a Statement of Commitment:  The inherent right of all individuals to be treated with dignity and respect is central to the values and beliefs of Lakefield College School.  We are fully committed to respecting and protecting the personal dignity and human rights of our students and employees.  Harassment, bullying, and sexual misconduct, in any form or social medium, is against everything for which we stand as an educational institution and it will not be tolerated. (pg 43)

But at this moment in history, I believe in what Angela Davis, a civil rights activist in the United States has said: “It is not enough to not be racist. We must be anti-racist.”

I believe that the most important thing we should do at this time is to educate ourselves so we can seek to better understand what we can do in support of the Black Lives Matter movement and work towards reducing all forms of racism, globally.

I believe we need to take meaningful action, and I believe this begins with our own lives.

On a personal note, I have been reading, following the news, and reflecting on how my privilege has shaped my views.  I’ve signed the Justice for George Floyd Petition on change.org, and made a personal contribution to two non-profit organizations working on inequity.

I am focused on how I can better myself and our community.  As I said in chapel this morning, quoting from The Choice by Dr Edith Eger, a Holocaust survivor, no one can take away from you what you’ve put in your mind.  You can’t change what happened, you can’t change what you did or what was done to you. But you can choose how you live now.

And now is our time.

I realize that I can do better and I am making a commitment to prioritizing anti-racism in our community.

I believe that we can do better.

We are going to seek to understand, raise awareness, and strive to lead members of our community to direct action.  We have compiled resources (see below); and we are dedicating time with students in tomorrow’s advisor meetings to listen and talk about how we can all contribute.

But this conversation will not end tomorrow.

What can we do each and every day to confront racism and advance equality at Lakefield College School?

For starters, our teachers and staff will commit to additional training on anti-racism and global issues. I know of at least one student who has already started a conversation about how we can address issues of Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion in a more fulsome way.  We also have the Safe Space, which was created exactly for this purpose.

My expectation is that students and staff will talk about what’s next in tomorrow’s advisor groups and share their actionable steps with our Leadership Team by the end of the week.

As writer James Baldwin said, “Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.”

I am providing this message to all members of our Grove community, to publicly promise that we can and must be better.

Resources that may be of interest to you: Books, Podcasts, Articles:

 

Follow these organizations doing important work surrounding racial equity and justice: