A Few Hopes for Today’s Teens

Yesterday in chapel, which happened to take place in the gym, with Syd Birrell playing the keyboard and Geoff Bemrose leading us with his guitar, I started the year with the following message:  (this is a shorter version) 

When I ask you, students and staff, what you love most about our school, the answer includes this one word at some point or another – community.

This morning I am going to focus on two aspects of community that require some work. The first is friendships. I personally work hard at my friendships, always have. One of my favourite sayings is that “You cannot make old friends”, and my hope is that some of you will one day come to realize that you have become old friends.

I love good research, and one of the most fascinating research projects comes from Harvard’s research about how people make a good life.  Dr Robert Waldinger, the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development and the author of a new book called The Good Life, has been studying the same people through eight decades, consulting with their parents and children.  This is the longest study of what keeps people happy and healthy through life.  Spoiler alert – this research study proves that happiness does not come from fame or money or achievement. Here is the most important finding: good relationships keep us happy and healthy. That’s it.

So in the spirit of asking good questions, here it is – if people could change one thing in their lives to be happier, what does the data say they should choose to do?  People should invest in their relationships with other people.  And this applies to a wide breadth of interactions in our daily lives, from close friends, partners, and teachers, to anyone including staff we interact with in the halls, the dining hall or even the person we run into delivering packages to the front office. We get little hits of wellbeing in all these different kinds of relationships.  

When we have stress which may impact our physical and mental health, we need a deeper connection, like a good friend who can listen to our rant – research shows that that friendship can help alleviate the pressure. I truly believe we only need one friend, with whom we feel comfortable and connected, and we can feel the benefits from that connection.

This morning I remind you of the need to put effort into your friendships. The easiest strategy is to replace screen time with people time.  Or, one of my best friends, Maureen who lives in Halifax, texted me on the weekend with another idea.  She read a wellness article in the New York Times called the 7-Day Happiness Challenge and Day Two is about an eight minute phone call. So Sunday night, as Kevin and I drove home from Kawartha Nordic where we had an awesome afternoon ski, we got on the phone with Maureen, and although we could talk for hours, we agreed to eight minutes. When we hung up, I was so happy to have had this connection. Apparently, a study of 240 adults in 2021 found that when participants received brief phone calls a few times a week, their levels of depression, loneliness and anxiety were rapidly reduced compared with people who didn’t receive a call.  So my first message is to connect with your friends – make a call.

Second, I want to address one of the nuances of learning and living in community. 

When I was a kid, my brothers and I fought. One time, after he had been bugging me and bugging me, I leaned over and kicked him in the gut. It is actually the only time I have done something like that, so it sticks out for me.  (And apparently it stood out for him as well, as he told that story at my wedding as a warning to Kevin that ‘She’s nice but she can kick’). Anyway, I see that kick in a similar way to today’s cancel culture.  When we call-out behaviour, we react harshly; we cancel others; we don’t invite them into solving problems.  Sometimes it’s because the issues are small, or subtle, or sneaky, or trying to be funny, or maybe unintentional…but the impact, not the intention, is what is important.  

Harvard’s centre for Diversity, Inclusion and Belonging has a Guide to calling-in and calling-out behaviour.  As we foster spaces of belonging, we must recognize, name, and address when individuals or groups with marginalized identities are experiencing harm, such as bias or discrimination. The concepts of “calling-out” or “calling-in” have become helpful ways of thinking about how to bring attention to this type of harm. 

To be clear – I expect you to deal differently with serious instances of disrespect, in which case you should turn to adults for support.  I know you know we have a process in our School Life Guide for dealing with respect, consent, bullying and harrassment. I am talking now about the micro-aggressions.  Knowing the difference between these concepts can help us reflect, and then act, in ways we feel will best promote constructive change.

So as we start 2023, and as we come near to the end of a global pandemic and with rising extremism, I have a few hopes for you.

We have made a commitment as a school to be global – this year we have 44 countries represented. And we have made a commitment to celebrate diversity and be inclusive, in our houses, classes, values, and in our day-to-day lives. And it turns out that being inclusive also requires daily practice.  My hope is that we actively understand instances of microaggressions, and the difference between intent and impact, and the difference between calling-out behaviour and calling-in conversations.

My hope this year is that you reflect on when it’s important and effective to call someone in, and when we do, we acknowledge we all make mistakes. We also help someone discover why their behavior, even if it was unintentional, is harmful, and how to change it. And we do call-in with compassion and patience. 

I saw a quotation that said this – we tend to judge others by their behaviour, and ourselves by our intentions.  My hope is that we presume good intentions.

In an increasingly diverse world, I hope we always focus on how we will negotiate our relationships.  Of course I am proud of Lakefield College School.  Here, you are learning to be with others in your houses and your advisor groups; you are surrounded by amazing adults on campus who invest time in navigating social interactions.  Here, you are learning to listen in Harkness discussions, and learning to disagree, respectfully. Here, you are also learning one of the hardest lessons – be it in business, in leadership, and in life – and that is to seek points of agreement.

My hope is that we are a community who practices “calling-in” with kindness and curiosity, so we can maintain an emotionally safe community.  The feeling of inclusion and belonging of everyone is important at The Grove.  

So please, may we invest in our community by 

1. Making a call and 2. Calling-in.  

And remember – the good life is built with good relationships.

What is Lakefield College School really like?

After two long years of safety protocols and zoom meetings, I took advantage of a warm Friday afternoon and wandered out of my office. Our Leadership Team agreed that this would be a year of consolidation and connectivity, and we all made a promise to get off of our laptops and be more present. 

So here is what happens at Lakefield College School on a Friday evening. I wasn’t sure if I would watch some pick up soccer or basketball, or if I would head down to the waterfront to catch a game of volleyball or a rambunctious game of spike ball, or if I would just see who is hanging out in the lake or on the dock.  There are usually multiple speakers around campus with different kinds of music playing here and there.  Seeing – and hearing! – our teens outside enjoying time together before dinner always makes me smile.

But last Friday, I experienced a first – Addy Ross called me over to where her family was gathered on Muskoka chairs by the soccer field. If you ever need a pick-me-up, get to know Addy Ross.  At just three years old, she has her finger on the pulse of our campus, notices everything, and calls out everyone by name.   Seeing her screaming my name while waving her arms for me to come over filled me with joy.  She made my whole being smile.  Turns out, Addy was particularly excited because her Dad, Adam Ross, our Athletics Director, bought Moose Tracks ice cream – plus sugar cones! – to celebrate the first week of school and she invited me to join them.

As I sat eating ice cream with the Ross family children playing all around us, Heather Ross, one of our Outdoor Education Teachers, commented on the students on the soccer field. These were mostly our new students who had arrived the day before, and yet she was calling them out by name, and I was totally impressed.  How, after only one day, did she already know our students’ names?  Her eyes lit up as she explained her secret – the best way to learn new student names was to be in charge of the swim test.  She had spent the day at the lake and met every one of them as they were tested.  So, over the course of the hour, as we sat watching the sun set and the little ones getting out their evening energy, Heather and Adam pointed out various students playing soccer, noting where they were from, which House they were in, and who had siblings that I might know.  Their passion for knowing our students was genuine and quite inspirational.

Then Adam stood up, scooped Addy under his arm, and announced that he had to run to town for a few minutes so he could go to a meeting at the Curling Club in Lakefield.  He was hoping they would welcome our students to play. Remember – this is Friday night, and he was squeezing in time to create this opportunity for our students.  Again, I was moved by his generous spirit, his focus on partnerships with our local community and his initiative to ensure our students would have more options to be active this winter.

So that’s a glimpse into life at Lakefield College School. Families live on campus. Teens are outdoors in the evenings, playing with each other with no phones in sight.  Teachers go above and beyond to know students and create opportunities so they can experience more.  And a 53 year old Head of School gets to hang out with a three year old girl, marvel in her joyful approach to life, and see her ability to create a feeling of belonging.

Hello World

I have not done a lot of blog writing lately.  Over the March break, I was pretty intentional about not doing much of anything, but tonight, before we get back to classes this week, I find myself dwelling on a quotation from Richard Wagamese:  “Choose moments, then—and let the days take care of themselves”.  

There have been so many moments this winter when I realized something special was going on.  Off the top of my head, I think about Friday Night Lights, Ted Pope Days, an OFSAA track meet, kRod, sports games, a Dance Showcase, Winter Concert, Winter Carnival, and Lunar New Year.  At each of these events – and I bet there are more! – there was a point when I felt this overwhelming sense that the energy of others was lifting my soul.  Frankly, I am in awe of the staff and students at our school.  Their relentless commitment to safety protocols and creative logistics is matched only by their passion to make the student experience one that includes joy and connection. When I think back on those moments, I am inspired and full of gratitude. 

Looking ahead, I am excited for some of the potential future moments this term:

– Gathering in our Chapel, Theatre and Dining Hall. I want to feel the energy of the crowd, squished together, standing room only. And then we will sing, and the building will shake with Sweet Caroline.

– Participating in Gladiator Day and Regatta Day. These are Grove traditions that we have not had for two years, and we need to teach our students what it means to be at LCS!  They need to feel this energy.

– Jumping out of my seat at the end of Anything Goes, our spring musical. By golly, these kids deserve it.

– Cheering for our sports teams. I bet some students will lose their voices, and frankly, I hope I lose mine too.

– Designing our Northcote property and farm program. I can’t wait to brainstorm with you what it means to be a leading sustainable school.

– Launching our Access Initiative, and finding amazing students who will be transformed by our school experience.

– Fundraising – yes fundraising! – for our new facilities and programs. I love meeting with parents and alumni about our vision, mission, and values.

– Supporting our students in developing our new All-Gender Housing Model, the second such initiative in Canada.

– Welcoming our alumni for Home to the Grove weekend. After two years of not allowing visitors on campus, I am convinced this will be our largest gathering, ever!

– Speaking under the white tent at our graduation ceremony.  We will celebrate this year’s grade 12s and also bring back grads from the past two years.  I hope to hug every single one of them!

Of all the moments, what I get most excited about, and I mean I could literally cry tears of joy, is the moment that I hope will come at some point between now and June, when we will finally get to see the full faces of our students and staff. I have seen their eyes, and believe me, I can see smiles behind those masks, but the day that I can walk around the school and see full faces motivates me to get back to another round of debates about safety.

The first time I see those full faces, those full smiling faces, I promise I will pause and hold on to that moment.  We have been through two years of a pandemic, and we deserve more moments of joy…of open-mouth, big tooth and gums, ear to ear, squinty eyes, smiling faces.  Years from now, I bet we will still be talking about what we felt in that moment. 

A Commitment to Prioritizing Anti-racism in Our Community

Earlier this week, I updated the school community with a message on Lakefield’s response to the call for anti-racist action by the Black Lives Matter movement.

In that message, I said, “I believe that the most important thing we should do at this time is to educate ourselves so we can seek to better understand what we can do in support of the Black Lives Matter movement and work towards reducing all forms of racism, globally” and I made “a commitment to prioritizing anti-racism in our community.”

As a follow-up to this message, faculty advisors met on Tuesday with our students to provide a space to talk through their thoughts, questions, and emotions surrounding recent global events and to discuss what the school could be doing better to confront racism and advance equity at LCS. In these small groups, students provided thoughtful input that will shape our work on anti-racism in the months and years to come. They asked to learn more – to incorporate racial injustice more deeply into course curricula, to deepen their understanding of the roots of racist issues, to develop media literacy, and to create more awareness about the challenges that exist within our own community.

And they asked to be active. They want to see student-led action on anti-racism, and they want more spaces, places, and platforms for conversations–places where they can share their own stories, hear others, and have difficult and at times uncomfortable conversations. Next week’s all-school gathering will be dedicated to reflection and activism.

To address the students’ suggestions and to begin the work of confronting racism and advancing equity more generally, I have created a task force on Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion that will begin work shortly. The task force will include representation from current staff and students and members of our external community and seek engagement more broadly as their work unfolds.

As an educational institution whose mission is to challenge and enable students to achieve their individual potential, we recognize systemic racism and other forms of inequity as a significant roadblock to the realization of potential. Confronting this roadblock in our classrooms and in our communities will be a key focus moving forward.

What can we do now? One Canadian school’s response to Black Lives Matter

I feel it is my responsibility as a community leader to address the situation south of the border, around the world, and even in our own community, and confirm our school’s stance.

We are a school that is over 140 years old and made up of people from over 40 countries, all of whom aspire to be global citizens who care about all issues of injustice.

What does a 51-year old white woman, who grew up in a middle-class family, in a predominantly white community, now living in a beautiful area, in a small, safe community in rural Ontario have to contribute to today’s global conversation on systemic racism?

At Lakefield, one of our seven values is our Healthy, Caring Community — The belief in the dignity and worth of all individuals. We embrace diversity; we encourage empathy and acceptance.

In our School Life Guide, we have a Statement of Commitment:  The inherent right of all individuals to be treated with dignity and respect is central to the values and beliefs of Lakefield College School.  We are fully committed to respecting and protecting the personal dignity and human rights of our students and employees.  Harassment, bullying, and sexual misconduct, in any form or social medium, is against everything for which we stand as an educational institution and it will not be tolerated. (pg 43)

But at this moment in history, I believe in what Angela Davis, a civil rights activist in the United States has said: “It is not enough to not be racist. We must be anti-racist.”

I believe that the most important thing we should do at this time is to educate ourselves so we can seek to better understand what we can do in support of the Black Lives Matter movement and work towards reducing all forms of racism, globally.

I believe we need to take meaningful action, and I believe this begins with our own lives.

On a personal note, I have been reading, following the news, and reflecting on how my privilege has shaped my views.  I’ve signed the Justice for George Floyd Petition on change.org, and made a personal contribution to two non-profit organizations working on inequity.

I am focused on how I can better myself and our community.  As I said in chapel this morning, quoting from The Choice by Dr Edith Eger, a Holocaust survivor, no one can take away from you what you’ve put in your mind.  You can’t change what happened, you can’t change what you did or what was done to you. But you can choose how you live now.

And now is our time.

I realize that I can do better and I am making a commitment to prioritizing anti-racism in our community.

I believe that we can do better.

We are going to seek to understand, raise awareness, and strive to lead members of our community to direct action.  We have compiled resources (see below); and we are dedicating time with students in tomorrow’s advisor meetings to listen and talk about how we can all contribute.

But this conversation will not end tomorrow.

What can we do each and every day to confront racism and advance equality at Lakefield College School?

For starters, our teachers and staff will commit to additional training on anti-racism and global issues. I know of at least one student who has already started a conversation about how we can address issues of Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion in a more fulsome way.  We also have the Safe Space, which was created exactly for this purpose.

My expectation is that students and staff will talk about what’s next in tomorrow’s advisor groups and share their actionable steps with our Leadership Team by the end of the week.

As writer James Baldwin said, “Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.”

I am providing this message to all members of our Grove community, to publicly promise that we can and must be better.

Resources that may be of interest to you: Books, Podcasts, Articles:

• ‘1619’ podcast by The New York Times
• Decolonizing Non-Violent Communication by meenadchi
• Me and White Supremacy by Layla Saad
• How to be an AntiRacist by Ibram X. Kendi
• 7 Myths About Cultural Appropriation Debunked video by Franchesca Ramsey***
• Surviving Oppression; Healing Oppression by Vanissar Tarakali
• How to Survive Intersectional Feminist Spaces 101 by Saroful
• The Racial Wealth Gap: Addressing America’s Most Pressing Epidemic by Brian Thompson***
• The Case for Reparations by Te-Nahisi Coates***
• Detour-Spotting for White Anti-Racists by Jona Olsson***
• When They Call You A Terrorist: A Black Lives Matter Memoir by Patrice Khan-Cullors and Asha Bandele
• Speak Up: Opening a Dialogue with Youth About Racism by  USC Rossier School of Education
• How to Talk To Your Kids About Race: Book and Resources That Can Help by Olugbemisola Rhuday-Perkovich
• How Well-Intentioned White Families Can Perpetuate Racism by Joe Pinsker
• Canada’s Race Problem? It’s Even Worse Than America’s by Scott Gilmore
• Canadian Education is Steeped in Anti-Black Racism by Robyn Maynard
• Policing Black Lives: State Violence in Canada from Slavery to the Present by Robyn Maynard
• Canada’s Slavery’s Secret: The Whitewashing of 200 years of Enslavement by Kyle G.Brown
• Women, Race and Class by Angela Davis
• Hoop earring criticized as cultural appropriation by Rachel Hosie
• Why America’s Black Mothers and Babies Are In A Life or Death Crisis by Linda Villarosa
• What is Settler Colonialism by Global Social Theory
• I’m Not a Feminist (and there is no but) by Renee Martin
• 100 Ways to Support—Not Appropriate From—Native People by Simon Moya-Smith

 

Follow these organizations doing important work surrounding racial equity and justice:

• Antiracist Research and Policy Center
• Black Women’s Blueprint
• Colorlines
• Equal Justice Initiative (EJI)
• NAACP
• Showing Up for Racial Justice (SURJ)
• SisterSong
• United We Dream

We are Lakefield

On Monday morning, we ran our first ever Chapel service at Lakefield College School by zoom.  We weren’t sure how it would go, nor did we know how many would show up. Reading the New York Times article, As School Moves Online, Many Students Stay Logged Out., makes me feel especially grateful to our students – we had over 450 people log in to zoom at 8:30am, and we have 376 students.

Here is the short summary of my message:

Never did I imagine, that we would gather by zoom, and not in our beloved A.W. Mackenzie Chapel.

So here we are, making history.

All of us will have our own distinct feelings about being back together again, here, in this way, in our new virtually shared chapel. For me, I am struck by a range of emotions: happiness to be connecting again – gratitude that everyone showed up! – uncertainty about where we are headed, loss for what we must all leave behind. Fortunately, for me, today, being together again gives me far greater feelings of hope than loss.

But make no mistake, like you, my sense of loss is acute.

I went in the chapel last week and stared at the empty pews and wondered when it would be full again. I felt an incredible sense of loss and miss each of you.  I also feel like I am grieving the loss of Regatta Day, Gladiator Day and of course, the likely loss of gathering under the white tent to celebrate our grads.  Grads, I am so sorry that this is your year. We will work hard, and consult with you, on how to make up for this. We will celebrate you.  We will make a plan.

This morning, I want to focus on what I see happening, some of the positives, so that we will not only survive this pandemic, we will make history together.

One positive is definitely the front-line staff in this pandemic.  I hope we all take time to celebrate health care workers around the world. In every pandemic, there are doctors and nurses who respond with unbelievable heroism and compassion, and this is what is happening today.  Look them up locally.  Here in Peterborough, people make noise during their shift change at 7pm.  In Toronto, certain buildings have lit up messages for health care workers. Some of you have parents or relatives or friends who are working through all of this. Today, we thank them.  I ask for a moment of silence for those who have passed away from the virus, and for those who are working and putting their own lives at risk, to save lives. [Moment of silence.]

For the rest of us who are not health care workers or on the front line, I want us to ask this question of ourselves:  what can I do to make a difference?  In what way can I serve?

I believe we are called to serve in three ways, and no Lakefield student will be surprised by my three ways:  Ask good questions. Try your best. Be kind.

First – Shout out to Anthony Overing and Ethan Webster.  They asked this good question:  How can I do a remote chapel talk? They both tried their best and did an incredible job. I loved their advice to get outside and to get a hobby.  Watching those chapel talks gave me incredible hope in the future. There was no hug line for either of them, but I felt the love and kindness of our community.  Chapel talks are one of those secrets of Lakefield… you have to experience them to understand them. They are “So Lakefield”. Thanks to our grade 12s, we will continue to experience that part of Lakefield, remotely.

My focus this morning is on what it means to be kind, and I hope we think of kindness in two ways – Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others.

How are you being kind to yourself? In particular – How are you being kind to your mind? How are you developing and growing your mind?  We can feel overwhelmed by anxiety, fear, and worry in these challenging times, and this is normal.  You have a choice to make – get lost in Netflix or social media… or do something more.

This morning, I am asking that you actually take care of your mind and pay attention to your various emotions. Learn more skillful ways to be with difficult emotions.  Take time each day to sit quietly and feel your emotions.  Or go for a walk. Get outside.  Get a new hobby.  Write about how you are feeling in a journal or talk about those feelings with a friend or family member. Another strategy to be kind to yourself is to take time to imagine what might happen in the future.  My point is that you need to find a way to have a sense of calm and peace. We all need to work on ourselves so we can have an impact on others.  Panic is contagious. Calm is contagious too.  The world needs a wise, calm person in each home that brings more understanding to these circumstances.

So my first hope is that you take time to be kind to yourself.

My second point is to be kind to others.  Connect. Call a friend. Call someone who wouldn’t necessarily get a call.  Call your grandparents. Write a note to a classmate.  Write a note to whoever made you dinner last night… Notice what others are doing to make your life better, and share that gratitude. Being kind to others actually feels good… gets us out of self-pity.

So my second hope is that you force yourself to be kind to others.

In this difficult time, we all need community more than ever. I am grateful for our Lakefield community.

We are making history. We are Lakefield. We got this.

Running a school by zoom

Almost two weeks ago, on March 17^th, we launched zoom for our Leadership Team (LT) and introduced new protocols for meetings. We begin with a personal check-in, then move through our agenda, which always begins with students and ends with identification and updates on our list of biggest risks.   We end with something light-hearted, and it feels good to smile or even laugh as a team.  We have been meeting four times per week since we closed the school, and I don’t see that changing in the near future.  The challenges in this time of crisis are time-consuming and demand a whole new level of creativity and collaboration.  Thank goodness we have zoom to manage this reality.

On March 25^th, we ran our first operational staff meeting by zoom with 57 colleagues.  Our LT talked a lot about our objectives, and we made a plan to spend time doing a check-in with everyone present.  The meeting turned out to be one of my week’s highlights.  People were efficient with their quick updates, and yet they packed in humour (like the cat’s tooth that fell out), generosity (baking for neighbours), love of nature (seeing deer from their new home office or a beaver and fox on a drive) and humility (turns out I am not a great teacher!).  What surprised me was the number of staff members who wore Lakefield gear, and I agree with one comment that our swag never looked better.

This week, our Heads of House began meeting their students by zoom call as well.  By the end of March, every Lakefield student will have participated on a zoom house-meeting call.  In one case, the Head of House and parents collaborated to plan a surprise birthday party as part of their zoom meeting.  In another house meeting, they included the very popular woman who cleans their house, so they could celebrate her birthday.  I am so inspired by the creativity of our community!

On March 27^th, we ran our first round of parent meetings by zoom.  We scheduled three times for parents to call in, and by the end of Friday, we had connected with families from over 20 countries.  In total, over 125 families participated, with multiple family members in each household.  Every parent was invited to give a brief update, and I swear I could feel the relief when each person reported: “And we are all fine.”  One parent from Saudi Arabia reminded us that we are all brothers and sisters in this crisis, and he is praying for our Lakefield and global communities.  More than one parent asked if our teachers and staff were also fine.  We used the chat function for questions, greetings and gratitude, and each one-hour call was both informative and heart-warming.  I hadn’t thought about the fact that some of our students would join their parents, and it was amazingly fun to see their waves and smiles.  We will definitely repeat these meetings, in part so everyone can hear the updates and in part, so we can see each other and send our Lakefield love out around the world.

I had an absolute favourite moment.  At the end of our 5:00pm call, when we were saying our goodbyes, someone yelled out, “Bye Ms Kee… we love you”.  And then it started – in addition to the smiles and waves, people started blowing kisses before hanging up.  Some people yelled out messages of love to everyone as they blew kisses.  Naturally, I got teary as I, too, blew kisses to our families.  If you had told me when I became Head of School, that I would be blowing kisses to 75+ families on a zoom call, I would have never believed it to be true.  If you had told me that we would have a special experience that is unique to our community, something we call a “So Lakefield” moment, when using technology (and not in-person or outdoors), I would have never believed it to be true.

As we plan this week to shift to remote learning, as schools all over the world are doing, I am more confident than ever that we will make it work.  We have a plan to continue our academic program to the end of June so that students can continue their learning.  We are working on a plan to offer clubs and activities, so students can continue to be exposed to a variety of opportunities and enjoy a well-rounded education.  And after the past two weeks on zoom, I know for a fact that our plan for students and teachers to continue to connect will be a reality.  Thanks to zoom, our Grove roots will run deeper and wider than ever.  These relationships will help sustain us through this global crisis, and my hope is that our Lakefield community will be equally generous in extending their connections beyond school.  We are Lakefield, and the world needs our values more than ever.

Curious and Kind

“Ask Good Questions. Try Your Best. Be Kind.” It’s a phrase I truly believe in.  In fact, when my two children were younger, we used to repeat this phrase so often that it became a bit of a family mantra.  Now at Lakefield, I use these three points frequently with our community. After all, don’t we all want our kids to grow up to be curious and kind people?

As I monitor the updates on the coronavirus outbreak, sometimes multiple times per day, I think about how we should handle this situation as a community.  First, our priority is to maintain the safety of our students.  Last week in chapel, I reminded students of the need for good health, common sense:  wash your hands, sneeze into your sleeve, and go to the Health and Wellbeing Centre (The Well)  if you have a fever or any concerns.  We are surveying our students about their travels and we have implemented a screening tool.  For any family that may be concerned about the upcoming holidays, we have a plan for students who cannot travel home because of the virus.  I also reminded students that they are here to learn, so they need to pay attention to what is happening in the world, but they also need to focus here, on their studies.  My hope is that they enter each and every class with the attitude that today they will try their best.

In chapel this week, we reviewed again all that we are doing to ensure the safety of our community.  We also had a moment of silence, for those who are suffering and for those who have passed away.

I wanted to write this blog to highlight the third part of the phrase – be kind – and I would like the support of our entire community.  In a school like ours—a small village, really, with 380 students, 155 staff, and roughly 360 living on campus fulltime (including staff and family members, plus pets!)—it’s important that we have the courage to ask good questions about this case and the media coverage.  Health officials repeatedly confirm that the risk to the public remains low in Canada.

But what I hope – and expect – is that we are kind to each other, particularly to those who are worried for friends and family.  Our students represent many parts of Canada and 45 countries around the world, which means our school is rich with opportunities to learn from each other, share experiences and debate different perspectives. Living and learning in such a diverse community reminds us all that there are multiple viewpoints for every issue and helps us to practice empathy.  Empathy is a powerful tool for our students to understand, relate, and connect with other people. It’s crucial for collaboration and true learning and leads to compassion and kindness.

It encourages me to hear our students supporting each other. Especially now, when so many parts of the world are experiencing devasting natural disasters, political and civil unrest and most recently the coronavirus. I was moved by the words of one of our students who said:

“One of the biggest mistakes we make is assuming that other people think the way we think. We need to think about each other and how everything affects everyone in some way.  Harper Lee once said, ‘You never really understand a person until you consider things from their point of view,’ this is especially true at this school where many of us are away from our parents and far from home. It is extremely difficult to not be able to be there and support our loved ones in a time of need.”

The words of this young woman give me confidence in knowing that our students are supported and encouraged by their teachers, coaches, Heads of House and, most important, each other to use their skills of empathy to ask good questions, be kind and compassionate.  We are committed to this ideal.

Only together can we create a caring community.

Should schools ban cell-phones?

Lately, I just cannot escape this topic. 

In my evening snacks with Houses, students pile into my living room to talk about what is working, what could be improved, and just life in general.  Inevitably, conversation turns to our overly strict cell-phone and wifi policies, and we have a great debate about whose decision it is to control technology.

This year, I am spending a great deal of time meeting with parents, past-parents and alumni, and I’ve had over 25 small group meetings in six countries.  In most conversations, we also end up discussing teens and technology use.  The consensus with adults is easy. They like that we do not allow phones in the dining hall or chapel. They like hearing that many teachers do not allow them in class. They like that we take phones away from grades nine and ten students overnight. They like that we shut off the wifi at night.  They like that we had a speaker in to teach students to be responsible digital citizens (Check out Chris Vollum’s message).  And most of all, they like that we still emphasize relationships; we have always been a community that engages deeply with each other and spends a lot of time outside.

Our teachers also talk about the benefits of less technology at school, and our reasons are sound:  social media has been associated with depression, anxiety, and the fear of missing out; there’s always a concern about cyberbullying and sexting; and we worry about the limited information that teens are exposed to online when we know they need to be challenged by diverse opinions.  Last year, many of us read Jean Twenge’s book called iGen.  She calls children born between 1995 and 2012 the iGen, as they are the first to enter adolescence with smartphones in their hands.  Her research is somewhat alarming:  teens spend about nine hours each day using screens; the average teenagers processes 3,700 texts per month.  Twenge reports that by their own admissions, teens are addicted to their phones.

Now before we adults get too judgmental, a 2016 Common Sense Media Study found that adults spend as much time – or more – with screens as their kids do.

Recently, on Family Day weekend, we made the long trek to Baie-St-Paul so Kevin and the kids could ski at Le Massif.  We like to listen to a podcast called Making Sense by Sam Harris, and the episode we chose was Douglas Rushkoff, who explored the state of the digital economy.

So should schools do more to control technology use?

I tend to favour the belief that we should manage not avoid technology.  I also believe that increasingly, one of our most important jobs is to cultivate our own healthy digital habits and model good use.  (My own kids would say that I have a lot to learn!)

What I know for sure is that we must continue to talk – with teens especially! – about technology use and how to spend our time and how to portray our lives online.

And at the end of each conversation?  Clarify that rule-making on technology use is an adult decision.

 

Three Hopes for 2019

When I reflect on our first term at the Grove, three specific moments come to mind:

In the fall, one of our grade ten students wanted to express her gratitude for our food.  To be honest, her original motivation was not gratitude but frustration:  she was bothered that so many students complained about food.  She wrote to friends and asked them to share photos of their meals.  She then put together a presentation to remind our community that we are fortunate to have such diverse, healthy, and tasty meals prepared for us. This led her to an idea – she invited our food service team to chapel and thanked them on behalf of our community.

And then the moment happened.  Our students jumped to their feet for a standing ovation for our dining and cleaning staff.

The second moment actually happened numerous times in one week. This fall, our production of Mamma Mia! was beyond amazing.  Our little theatre was bursting with energy and everyone jumped to their feet for a standing ovation at the end of each show.  What I loved most is that people stayed on their feet, singing and dancing during the last couple of numbers.

The third moment – another standing ovation – was a complete surprise.  Our Christmas chapel happens in the evening after students enjoy a formal meal in the dining hall.  At the beginning, I noticed that students seemed restless, and, I was a bit nervous about their ability to behave appropriately for the duration of the service.  Turns out – they were more than respectful.  When Adam Bishop, a member of our Foundation team and a former Head Boy, walked to the front to sing “O Holy Night” accompanied by our pianist, there was a lot of energy in chapel.  I know that Adam is a talented singer, and yet I felt nervous for him – no matter your talent, it takes courage to perform solo in front of hundreds of students.  But he began, and we were enraptured.  At the end, there was a pause.  I sometimes wonder about the appropriateness of clapping during a chapel service, and it was as if the entire chapel was pondering the exact same question.  And just as quickly, the question was answered.  The entire chapel sprang to their feet clapping.  The final song that night – Joy to the World – was the most enthusiastic singing I’ve heard in chapel since my arrival.

Now here’s the thing about standing ovations:  They are spontaneous. They only happen in groups.  They are full of joy.

That combination, to me, is “So Lakefield…”

I hope your year includes moments of spontaneity, community and joy.  I hope you might be able to return for a visit this year, perhaps to experience our theatre, chapel or another event.  And I sincerely hope you’re really lucky, and you get to be part of the transformative experience of a standing ovation at the Grove.

Happy new year!

Highlights from 2018 at Lakefield College School